there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I pour the whiskey from now on
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
