A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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