I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
COCAINE IS GR8
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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