I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
