Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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