why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
50% drunk capacity currently
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
