so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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