Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
