It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
