Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
