told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize