what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
