That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
