I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
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his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
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Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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