You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
