It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
