I feel great
I just peed on a car
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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