Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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