Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
