I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
