apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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