he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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