we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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