he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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