so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
