My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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