Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
