Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
