My brain says no but my pants say off.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
