If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Randomize
