This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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