Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Randomize
