I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
