The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
