I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize