if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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