The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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