What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
