He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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