I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
