I wish I could punch you in the face.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
