I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
