zippers are such a cool invention
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize