I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
