I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
