she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
