I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
