im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
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Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
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