Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
