U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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