How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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