I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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