i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
