I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
