What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
