That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
