I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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