you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
