why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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