Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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