my phone needs a breathalizer
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
