No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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