Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
