he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
