someone get that fucking seahorse.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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