I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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