I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
