So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
