So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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