I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You dont lie about slip and slides
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
