Whod you bang
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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