yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
