Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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