She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
