Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
