I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
